The Sound of Preparation

Friday, October 21 - Sunday, October 23, 2011


Friday we went to the funeral home...
As soon as we pulled in and parked I turned to Jason, "Oh, Honey! We forgot the imprint molds!" -Someone had given us a gift where we could make impressions of his tiny feet and hands. We were really looking forward to it, because his toes and fingers were made in such a special way, and we wanted to remember them forever. But we never had a chance while he was living, so we thought we'd ask the funeral men if they could do it, since they'd be working with his body anyway. But we had forgotten to bring the kit...
"Well," Jason said, "We'll just ask them if we can bring it later."
We went in and waited on their couch for a few minutes, because the man we needed to speak to was with another family. As I sat there, I realized my baby's little body was somewhere here, in this same building... That made me happy.
We went in to talk with the man- unsure of what all we even needed to talk about. We went through a few things, and then I remembered about the imprints.
"Is my baby here...?" I asked him.
He nodded. From where I sat, I looked out the window into the hallway, as if I thought I could see him or something... Then I told him about the imprint kit we had at home, and asked if that is something they could do for us...
He nodded again, and then spoke quietly, "Well, is that something you would like to do yourself?"
I felt my face immediately brighten, and my eyes smiled along with my face, "Yes!" I said, "Can we really?"
He nodded again, and just looked at me for a while... He actually looked sad, and I looked away. I heard him sniff before he continued on talking to Jason about some of the plans for the funeral...


We left around noon, and went home to eat lunch and to bring the imprint molds back. We had forgotten the baby's clothes and blankets too, so we gathered those together. When we got back to the funeral home, Jason decided it would be good to pray for me before we went in to see Hazaiah's body...
We went inside then, and the man led us up the elevator and towards a small room.
"Now, we're going to what we call our little 'dressing room'," he began, "It's not quite as..." He stopped like he wasn't sure how to say it.
"...Not quite as nice and cozy as the downstairs furnishings?" I asked.
He nodded.
"That's OK," we told him, "We kind of expected that."
But the room was alright. It looked like a little doctor's room with a patient bed and a counter off to the side with cupboards under and over and a little sink on one side...


I saw Hazaiah's little body through the crack of the door as we were going in. When I got past the door, I saw him entirely... He was so cute. He looked like a little dolly just laying there sleeping. He had a diaper on, and a little bandage and towel over his middle where I'm assuming they had to make an incision for embalming. His little knees were bent naturally, just like in the hospital, and his little arms were bent just as naturally- with enough flexibility that we will be able to have his hands up under his chin just like he always liked to hold them... His little fingers were semi curled, and looked comfortable. His sweet hair was curled and combed so beautifully...
As much as I loved looking at him there, it was different. I looked at the man and told him, "It's amazing what a difference life makes in a person's body. When the spirit is gone, it's just so different..."
He nodded.
Jason formed the clay and rolled it out in the frame. I held the frame while Jason put Hazaiah's little foot into the mold. Then we did the other one. It was perfect...
We tried to do the hands, but the tiny fingers were too stiff to straighten, and we didn't want to get the clay stuff in his little fingernails. We decided we would just write his birth information on that side. We have a lot of pictures of his hands anyway...


The man asked us if we would want to get him dressed ourselves too.
"Oh yes we would- Thank you!" we said.
I wasn't sure how to handle his little body like this, and I asked him how to do it.
"Just like you would normally," he told us.
So Jason picked up our baby's body, and I laid the sleeper under him. We both put his little arms and legs inside of it, and snapped it up.
"Oh the blanket," I began, "You probably have to do his makeup and stuff before we would wrap him in his blanket, right?"
"Yes, we would," He said, "But when we get the casket in, we'll call you and you can come back and wrap him up and lay him in the casket if you'd like."
Oh my heart was so happy... "Yes, we would love to do that," We said "Thank you so much..."


So far we are so pleased with this funeral company; they have been so gracious and accommodating...


That afternoon we went to the church yard to dig the hole for the vault and casket. Jason and Noah did most of the digging and shoveling, but all the girls helped too. The dirt was so hard towards the bottom... Jason made it so nice and squared up and everything, and he even made the head area about 1/2 - 1 inch higher so that Hazaiah's little head would be slightly more elevated than his feet. -it just seemed more comfy that way...
He took his time with it, and made it so that we would all be "satisfied" -as much as could be expected  anyway...
When he finished, he helped me down in there so that I could write in the dirt:

We Love you Hazaiah

Saturday, Jason and I got to sleep in a little, but the children all went to the "Kids for Kids" walk to support the ABC Women's clinic. The people there painted little footprints on the children's faces- in remembrance of the tiny babies in the womb- but our girls asked them to put 6 toes on their footprints... Then they had an "H" on the other side of their face. Of course the painters were curious about their requests, so that gave the children an opportunity to tell them about their baby brother Hazaiah...:)

Jason and I went to order flowers and then to find a guestbook at the Olive Branch. The children had developed pictures, so we spent the later afternoon arranging them for display, picking out songs, and gathering the baby's things that we wanted to be at the viewing while Jason and Noah did some work in the yard. That night, Jason's parents came over. Although we wish it were under different circumstances, it was still very good to see them after they've been over in Africa for so long...


Sunday was the day of the viewing. That morning, the funeral home called to say the casket had been delivered and that we could come and wrap up our baby and lay him down. When we got there, they had it all ready in the upstairs room where we saw him last. We wrapped up our little boy snugly in his blanket and carried him over and laid him in his little bed. He fit so nicely inside, and looked so comfy with all the fleece lining all around him, and even a little pillow for his sweet head. 
It was hard -it's unnatural- to close the casket; but we did so that we could carry him downstairs to the room where the viewing would be. There, we opened it again and arranged his little blanket and monkeys that his siblings had bought for him right after he was born.
We went home and finished getting everything ready...

We came back early before the viewing started... I tried to get out all my tears before everyone arrived, but I guess that's not all together possible... 

We were so thankful for everyone that came. So many people cried with us, and shared encouraging words of support and blessing. So many times it seems like we're alone- like the pain is so great that no one could've possibly gone through this before; but then we hear their stories, and we realize that others really do understand... One of Hazaiah's nurses from the NICU was there, and she rubbed his hand or his face and called him a "sweet little man" just like she did not long ago...

 After almost everyone left, Jason pulled up a chair for me to sit closer to him. I sat there for a while with my chin resting on his casket and my hand on his side. I would take my finger and trace the outline of his lips, nose, and face, then I would hold his hands again... Finally, I decided to pick him up just one last time... I held my baby and rocked him again, then laid him down in his bed to sleep...